Every Once In A While
by hippiechic
Summary: This is an insertion fic set between episodes 3 and 4 and revolves around some very complicated emotions made even more so by a very complicated situation.


Disclaimer: It is true. I not own YuYu Hakusho, the song _Every Once In A While_ or the group BlackHawk.

A/N: Well, it took me long enough to get around to writing this, so here it is! I hope you all enjoy this little trip through some complicated emotions.

"Still bored with being dead?" Botan cheerfully questioned her newest ward with a brilliant smile, her trademark.

"I see you're back," Yusuke grumbled.

"Of course I'm back, silly. I came to check in on you and your egg. Any change yet?" Botan repositioned her oar in front of Yusuke, who was currently floating, seemingly aimlessly so, above the city, his former home before his death.

"Hoping that Spirit Beast thing had already eaten me?" Yusuke was acting most odd. Normally by this time Yusuke would be yelling at Botan simply for existing, among other annoyingly cheerful traits she possessed.

The blue-haired guide blinked before drawing her oar closer to Yusuke for inspection. "Uh, Yusuke, you feeling okay?"

Yusuke looked up into a concerned pair of eyes. "I'm fine," he mumbled with a frown as he raised his eyes to hers before lowering them back to the nearly empty streets below.

"C'mon, Yusuke. You should be having fun. It's a Saturday night. Lighten up!" Botan never was one for melancholy situations. Her chipperness was almost overwhelming at times, and it annoyed the brooding Yusuke to no end.

"Whatever," came the muttered reply. It seemed something had caught Yusuke's attention: a ramen shop.

Botan blinked in surprise at Yusuke's answer before noticing his attention was elsewhere. Turning her eyes to follow Yusuke's gaze, Botan found herself staring at Keiko's home above her parents' business. Botan's eyes widened in realization before smiling brightly. "You still like Keiko, don't you?"

Dark eyes grew wide at being caught off guard. Yusuke turned to Botan, furious. "I never liked her! Never did and never will!" Yusuke spouted before glancing back at Keiko's home and adding softly, "Besides, I'm sure she's forgotten me by now anyway…."

Seeing this softer side of Yusuke, Botan spoke gently to him, "She misses you and there's no way she could have forgotten you with her having to check in on your body everyday."

Once again, Yusuke's eyes widened at Botan's words before narrowing in skepticism. "After that little performance at the memorial, she just went home and forgot all about me. The only reason she's checking in on my body is because she feels it's her responsibility as the class president. She couldn't care less. She'd do it for anyone."

"I don't see her ever forgetting you," Botan corrected. "You were friends as children, and she is in love with you now. Take a woman's word for it when I tell you, she'll always love and remember you."

"She barely knows I ever existed, so drop it!" Yusuke yelled defensively even though his spirit guide spoke the words he longed to hear. He couldn't just admit he was wrong after all.

Botan sighed patiently. "Yusuke, come with me." Without waiting to see if he was indeed following, she began to slowly fly away on her oar, intent on showing him something.

_When the moon is bright_

_On a Saturday night_

_There's a thousand stars in the sky_

"Botan, where are you taking me?" Yusuke complained.

"Just hang on, silly," Botan laughed cheerily without slowing. "You'll see in a moment."

"Yeah! Well, maybe I don't wanna see!" Yusuke shot back.

A glimmer in her eyes, Yusuke's guide glanced back. "Trust me, you do."

Yusuke chose not to reply as he continued his chase. Lost in his own thoughts, he almost didn't realize they were slowing until Botan stopped completely.

"Hey! Watch out!" Yusuke vented his rage, as usual, when he almost collided with his newly-found friend. "What's the big idea just stopping like that?"

Without even sparing her ward a disapproving frown, Botan pointed toward the ground. "Look. Down there, Yusuke."

Not happy about being told what to do, Yusuke frowned as he followed Botan's directions. At first, all Yusuke could see was a small sea of green, a concrete river dividing it, lit by orange bulbs. Yusuke frowned even more deeply when he recognized a young woman he recognized walking alone, a sad expression twisting her pretty face.

"What's wrong with her?" Yusuke demanded of Botan. The spirit being seemed to know everything else, why not this, too?

"It is Saturday night, Yusuke. Keiko had a date tonight, her first since…." Botan's voice trailed off. "It appears things did not go well."

Below the hovering spirits, oblivious to their presences, Keiko took a seat on a bench with no lights nearby. Laying down, using her hands for a pillow, the girl gazed up at the few stars visible from within the city.

Yusuke found himself drawn closer as if she were a magnet. Before he knew what was happening, Yusuke was standing over his old friend as tears welled up in her beautiful eyes.

Keiko, still gazing – now blindly – at the sky managed to open her mouth, whispering one word as the unshed tears spilled from her eyes, "Yusuke."

As Yusuke watched helplessly, Keiko finished her thought, her plea, "Please, come back, Yusuke."

Had he heard correctly? It simply wasn't possible! Keiko actually…missed him? Yusuke could hardly believe his own ears.

Sniffling, Keiko lifted her left arm to wipe away her tears, catching sight of her watch when done. Sighing, she simply commented to herself, "It's late," and rose to her feet.

Watching as Keiko slowly walked away, Yusuke was startled by a voice from over his shoulder. "Follow her," Botan suggested, and with only a grunt of protest, Yusuke began walking after Keiko, keeping a respectable distance.

_On a winding road her memory flows_

_She'll face the fact_

_She wants to go back_

As he continued to follow Keiko, Yusuke was puzzled by the familiarity of their surroundings. "This isn't the way to Keiko's home," he mused aloud to himself.

"I know," Botan answered softly, having followed along.

Yusuke became even more puzzled when Keiko paused in front of a house, staring at it longingly for a moment before continuing on her way: Yusuke's house. Surely she wouldn't be going in to check on him at such a late hour. His mother was probably passed out on top of him by now, literally.

_She opens her heart to an old memory_

_She closes her eyes and she smiles_

When the trio had arrived at Keiko's home, Yusuke paused to allow Keiko enough time to change her clothing for bed before slowly floating to her open, lighted window. Even though he had gone to great lengths to catch sight of her undergarments while alive, now that he was dead and had a Spirit Beast to cultivate with positive energy lest it consume him, Yusuke had decided to be much more respectful, at least for now anyway.

A single lamp cast a dim glow over Keiko's room as she crawled between the sheets. After lying still for a moment, she then reached beside her and clicked off her simplistic modern lamp.

As Keiko began drifting to sleep, Botan questioned Yusuke. "So, do you still believe she cares nothing for you, that she has forgotten you?"

"One little statement doesn't prove anything," Yusuke replied stubbornly.

_Just ask her if she ever still_

_Thinks about me_

_She'll say, "Every once in a while,_

_Every once in a while"_

Botan could not help the exasperated sigh she gave. Sometimes, talking to Yusuke could only be compared with beating one's head against a brick wall. "What does it take to convince you!" She entered Keiko's room, knowing he would follow. "What if she actually told you?"

Yusuke snorted as he followed Botan to Keiko's bedside. "Yeah, like that'll happen," he spat, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm dead! Remember?"

"Which is precisely what makes it possible," Botan chirped happily.

"What are you talking about?" No matter how he tried Yusuke simply could not tear his eyes from Keiko's peaceful form under his blanket, his mind really not into the conversation with his guide.

"Remember how you spoke to Keiko in a dream to try and convince her to take care of your body?" Botan asked. "Well, you can talk to her now in the same way. I'm sure you remember how. Don't you?"

Yusuke frowned. "So, I can just do that any time I want now?"

"No, silly. That's just plain rude and hurtful to someone who loves you so much," Botan corrected her ward. "I do think that this is an exception though. Go for it, Yusuke. "

After giving his guide a disbelieving glare at her declaration of Keiko's love, the young man followed her instructions and was transported into a misty world of swirling fog. Keiko stood before him, her back turned his direction.

"Keiko?" Yusuke reached toward her as she shuddered, her head dropping.

Keiko's lips parted slightly, "Yusuke…." It couldn't possibly be real. He was gone.

"Keiko, please, look at me," Yusuke pleaded.

After a moment's hesitation, Keiko slowly turned around, eyes on her shoes. Slowly lifting her eyes they widened in recognition. "Yusuke!"

Yusuke found himself lacking any of his typical smart remarks. An uncharacteristic, almost completely invisible smile graced Yusuke's lips, a tenderness in his eyes. "Yes, Keiko. It's me."

Glancing around in confusion, Keiko's face dropped when she looked back to her longtime friend. "I'm just dreaming. You're-…" tentatively, she raised a hand to touch Yusuke's face, stopping just short and withdrawing slightly, "still gone," she finished softly, eyes falling toward the ground. "I seem to be having this dream a lot lately."

"Keiko. Keiko! Please, don't cry." Yusuke all but begged. "Look, even though I'm gone, I'm not too far. I'm right here and I can see what's going on." After a moment's pause, Yusuke sighed softly. "I doubt you even think about me when you're awake and not taking care of my body."

Keiko's eyes once again lifted to Yusuke's as she softly, bravely replied, a gentle breeze tossing her hair, "Every once in a while. " She looked away again and replied in a much softer, sadder, reminiscent tone, "Every once in a while."

Yusuke felt himself frozen solid, all but his heart. Not knowing what to do, he embraced his class president as she softly sobbed on his shoulder.

Once Keiko had regained her composure, Yusuke gave her a brave smile. "I have to go now and let you rest. Just remember, I'm not as far away as I seem." He released the exhausted girl from his arms and took a step backward, and then another as the mist began to increase in density, rolling higher and higher and obscuring Keiko's sight of Yusuke's retreat.

"Yusuke!" Keiko called into the darkness of her dream. "Yusuke…."

Exiting the world that was Keiko's dream, Yusuke once again found himself in the girl's room with an overly curious spirit guide.

"So? How was it?" Botan enthusiastically questioned.

"It was fine," Yusuke gave an automatic response, his eyes never leaving the resting soul before him.

"Well, I suppose if that's the way you're going to be," Botan huffed. "We should be leaving anyway. I have an appointment, you know."

Yusuke felt his eyes roll automatically as the spirit exited via the bedroom window. "Every once in a while, eh?" he smirked to cover any trace of true emotion. Before turning away from Keiko, making his exit from the room.

_She tries to forget_

_But she hasn't yet_

"Hmm…" Keiko contemplated the pair of shoes in her hand. They were quite nice with a quite nice price to match. Was there any way she could afford them? With a soft sigh, she sat them back on the shelf, picked up her bags and headed for the store's door to re-enter the mall.

Shopping had proven to be just what the doctor had ordered. In fact, she hadn't thought about her deceased friend all day. "At least until now," crossed her mind and Keiko frowned. Was there anything that could keep her too busy for her memories to catch up with her?

"Hey! Keiko!" Yusuke watched as Keiko was jerked from her thoughts and forced a smile to greet a girl friend from school.

After he and Botan had left Keiko's room the previous night, Yusuke had found himself content to hover above Keiko's roof long after Botan and her silly chitchat had left for the important meeting with Koenma.

Naturally, when Keiko had awoken and decided to go shopping, Yusuke followed. Heck, he didn't have anything better to do.

As he thought to himself, Yusuke naturally followed Keiko and her friend as they left the mall, her friend chatting away like a Botan clone. Fortunately, Keiko was much less rude than Yusuke and instead of replying caustically to everything said, simply walked along seemingly interested in the conversation until one looked into her eyes. Those eyes were still a million miles away.

_Not a single day goes by_

_That feeling again reminds her of when_

_I held her tight, it felt so right_

Stealing away from his thoughts, Yusuke noticed the girls had stopped walking and were eerily silent as Keiko stared over a waist-high brick wall and shrubbery into a lush, green park. Yes, a beautiful park with grass, trees, benches and headstones. Headstones? Yusuke's eyes widened when he realized why Keiko's eyes had began to water. This was where his mother had planned to bury him now that the services were over. Good thing he had been able to get in touch with Keiko first using Kuwbara's body and her dreams.

Without thinking, Yusuke reached for Keiko just as he had the night before, laying his hand on her quivering shoulder, which oddly enough ceased its shaking under his touch though he knew she could not feel his presence.

_She opens her heart to an old memory_

_She closes her eyes and she smiles_

Keiko took a deep breath and exhaled all her most obvious feelings, pulling herself back together. Closing her eyes, she didn't feel nearly so alone. Would she feel like this had any other classmate died, or was it just Urameshi? Somehow the apparent discrimination didn't bother her. It felt almost natural to feel this way about Yusuke. After all, the Urameshi boy had only been the man in her heart since the day they met.

_Just ask her if she ever still_

_Thinks about me_

_She'll say, "Every once in a while,_

_Every once in a while"_

Worried eyes gazed at Keiko when she reopened her own. "You still miss him, don't you?" her friend softly asked, taking Keiko's hand for comfort, obviously unnerved by the situation and left not knowing how exactly to react. How many middle school students actually lose a classmate?

Keiko remained silent a moment longer before giving a brave smile, "Every once in a while." Turning her face back to the stones before her, she repeated in a thoughtful whisper, "Every once in a while."

_And every once in a while_

_She calls my name out loud_

_And when she thinks about us_

_She'll face the fact_

_She wants to go back_

An evening breeze toyed with Yusuke's hair as he perched on Keiko's window sill. Keiko was busy finishing the last of her homework.

Try as she might, Keiko simply could not concentrate on her algebra. No matter how many times she looked around her room, she could not rid herself of the feeling of being watched, not that the feeling was necessarily a bad one, just annoying while trying to master theorems.

"Keiko! Supper!" interrupted her thoughts as she once again attempted problem number twenty. It would have to wait.

The fifteen minutes it took Keiko's family to eat dinner felt like an eternity to Yusuke, stuck in the window.

"A family dinner, now there's a thought," Yusuke mused bitterly, silently. He loved his mother more than anything, but "family" wasn't exactly the first word to come to mind to describe the two. At a young age, Yusuke had needed to become the parent in their relationship, taking on all the household duties while his mother lazed around in a drunken stupor.

Stepping back into her room, Keiko softly shut her bedroom door. Barely even glancing at her mound of books, she moved past everything to gaze at the few stars visible in the city's night sky.

It did not take long before Keiko found herself sobbing into her own hands.

_She opens her heart to an old memory_

_She closes her eyes and she smiles_

Watching Keiko's body wretched with sobs, Yusuke found himself almost immediately by her side. "Don't cry, Keiko. It's just me. I'm not worth crying over." He tried desperately to find a way to speak with or at least to hold the woman before him, console her.

Unable to do anything to change the situation, Yusuke resigned himself to merely placing a seemingly unfelt arm around Keiko's shoulder until she had cried herself out.

Sniffling one last time, Keiko wiped her eyes and spared the stars one last glance as she smiled to herself. "I hope you're happy up there, you jerk," she softly spoke without a hint of malice before slowly rising to her feet and getting into bed.

_Just ask her if she ever still_

_Thinks about me_

_She'll say, "Every once in a while_

Lying in bed in the dark, Keiko yawned and closed her eyes for sleep. Just as she hung in limbo between the world of waking and the world of sleep, Yusuke heard the soft words once again, "Every once in a while." And she was asleep.

A smile on his lips, Yusuke watched the person who had loved him most lie peacefully asleep before turning to go.

"I told you so," Botan laughed just outside the window, floating on her trademark oar. "It would seem I was right about Keiko's feelings for you."

Not in the mood to argue, oddly enough, yet too proud to admit defeat, Yusuke chose to simply ignore the bluenette as he stalked silently toward the night.

Pausing, one foot on the floor, the other on the window sill, Yusuke looked back over his shoulder. "I'll find my way back," he promised.

No words left, Yusuke stepped through his portal into Keiko's heart and back out into the cool, windy night, checking his pocket for the Spirit Beast's egg, his ticket back to Keiko - the woman he loved.

_Every once in a while_

A/N: So, what did you think of my first YuYu fanfic? I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please, leave me a review and let me know, good or bad thoughts. Any feedback is really encouraging. Peace and Out!


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